William Reardon’s Blog

With Paris Hilton temporarily under “house” arrest, the newsphere was abuzz of her new accommodations. Moving from a dumpy (albeit solitary) prison cell back to her luxurious 2,707 square foot, 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom, 1.7 million dollar home.

Google Sightseeing into the act, revealing her address is 1467 N. Kings Rd, West Hollywood. I live at 733 N. Kings — we’re practically neighbors! Now I know where to knock when in need of a cup of sugar.

Here’s another odd thing. I have periodic aspirations of purchasing real estate. I wouldn’t say I’m actively in the market, but I’m on a few realtor’s mailing lists, etc. Around here, 1 million gets you a nice condo. That’s about it. Not even a great condo, but a nice one.

Only a month ago, I went to a open house for a dumpy duplex (each a 1 bedroom) and it cost $1.1m.

So here’s the strange thing. 1.1m gets you crap. 1.7m — a difference of only 600k — gets you true millionaire lifestyle housing. That makes no sense to me. Another sign that this market is completely irrational.

Oh well, maybe Hilton will need a pool boy when she gets out.

Mom’s in town. Mom likes Deal or No Deal so I thought I’d take Mom to see a taping.

Before going further, I have to say that tvtix.com sucks. (And no, I’m not linking to those bastards.)

1) The start time they gave was wrong. (It was 9:30am, not 9:00am.)

2) They were supposed to give us a print-out of tickets. They didn’t. (The page was kind enough to take the email confirmation.)

3) They said parking was free & we’d receive a voucher. The page confirmed this wasn’t the case & we would have to pay for it.

4) You have to call the day before to confirm your reservation. The phone number in the email confirmation is wrong.

They suck suck suck. (There. I linked to them. Go see how awful the site is. Notice the year of the copyright in the footer. Extend suckage to general experience.)

There was a special kicker, however. The day before I received an email saying our 10:30am start time was moved to 9am. I found out later the 2:30pm start time was moved to 3:30pm.

Big changes. What caused such a ruckus?

That, my friend, is because our show, the 9am show turned out to be the special 100th episode celebration!!! (Sorry for the multiple exclamation points. The pre-show warm-up, teaching when to clap & cheer, getting the crowed excited, has left me with a pavlovian response to certain phrases. “One Million Dollars!!!”)

So there we sat.

From 9am to 2:30pm.

No breaks.

No water.

No food.

For five and half hours.

The psychology of people in the audience was interesting too. These people are crazy as well. Ranging from emphatic “No deals!”, “Keep it low” chants with the type of vigor generally reserved for European soccer games, to commentary on strategy. My favorite comment, from a nearby audience member, was “What? Why would he choose 12 now? That don’t make sense. That’s just stupid.”

Since a lot of people ask me for lucky numbers, and this is generally regarded as a top pick for numerologists, I thought I’d share some secrets from the Special Deal or No Deal 100th Episode Celebration!!!!! Obviously, spoilers ahead.

• All past winner/contestants are brought back.
• The chick in the front row of former contestants really does dance all the time. That wasn’t just an act for when the cameras where on. She is actually crazy.
• The previous contestant who won $10 (the lowest amount ever won) is given a second shot. He looks a bit like the big, burly, bearded guy from Grizzly Adams, but with a southern accent.
• The zero in $10 is replaced with his face, both on the board and in the case. Is this comedy or what?
• The model with the case containing $10 had to open in 9 times as she kept moving the case. Believe me, the taping of each iteration was even more exciting than the last.
• Grizzly Adams really does suck. He manages to systematically knock out all the high amounts pretty quick.
• Grizzly heads up to stage to hug the model a few times. Each hug went a bit too long. After each, I think we all felt a bit uncomfortable as well as a need to shower.
• Grizzly rushes the little room where the “The Banker” is. That was kinda entertaining. (Well, when it happened it was. The 45 minutes after the show of taping audience reactions over and over and over again was less so.)
• Grizzly likes Ozzy Osbourne so there’s a taped greeting from Ozzy.
• There’s are other taped greetings from Leno, Ceiline Deon, Regis and other people I don’t care about. (All for the special 100th celebration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• Grizzly gets it down to $25, $200, $400, and $750. I think he leaves with $400.
• Howie didn’t really spend a lot of time talking to people. Each time there was a break, he was gone. Off the stage. I felt a little bad for Grizzly standing up there alone.
• There’s a big special cake the models get to have. Apparently there is a cake fight. The audience was offered none. This disappointed Mom.

So there you have it.

The magic behind the machine.

Mom loved it (despite not getting any cake), so I’ll consider it a success. But man, this makes up for my the pain of my birth or something.

As someone who prefers to buy DVDs, I never had any urge to join Netflix.

Hearing people tell me how great it was, how much they loved Netflix, the excited “me too!” when finding out someone else is a subscriber all just went around me. I’d feel like a unmovable rock or fallen tree in the middle of a flowing river as the conversation shifts to what each person has in their queue (as it inevitably does). While they talked, I’d remain silent, wondering if this is what it was like to hear other people talk about their Tivo. Or what women think of men and the Three Stooges. There’s obviously something there, but what is it? It just isn’t making any sense.

“You don’t have to go the movie theater!” But I like going to movies.

“You can watch movies at home!” I already have HBO & Showtime.

“You don’t have to go to the video store!” I just buy DVDs when they come out on Amazon.

But I finally decided to give it a try. What pushed me over, was seeing they had a $6 plan. (Actually, it’s $5.99 but I have no desire to help their marketing department.) It’s nothing like the plan all my friends have. No endless wave of DVDs. No three movies at a time, so you always have one to watch. No, my plan, the six dollar plan, is much simpler: one movie only at a time and two movies per month. Max.

For me, that’s fine. For six bucks, I’ll try it. So I signed up, created my queue, and about a week ago, my very first movie arrived, Equilibrium. A few of my friends liked it. Loved it, in fact. Raved about the story, the action, the gun fights. “You like the Matrix”, they said. “You’ll love this.” Plus it has Christian Bale. All-in-all, a pretty good bet.

So I watched it last night.

And I hated it.

It was awful.

Imagine a movie merging all the classic books about a futurist dystopia : Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451, 1984.

Have an image?

Okay, you’ve seen the movie.

That’s all there is.

And if you know these books, all suspense completely goes out the window. You really don’t wonder if Christian Bale will have issue with his enforcement of the law, if you’ve read Fahrenheit 451. There’s no suspense in who “Father” is, if you know 1984. And the problem is, the very audience who goes to see this type of movie is the very audience who has read those kinds of books.

Now, it’s not that I have a problem with derivative works. A lot of people claim The Matrix is just Dark City re-done, but it’s without question, one my favorite movies of all times. The difference between the Matrix & Equilibrium, is the Matrix at least brings a few new things to the table.

Equilibrium has a few well-shot gun fights, but doesn’t really add anything new. In a way, it’s like viewing a traced copy or paint-by-numbers version of the Mona Lisa. If they’re going to be that similar, why not go with the real deal?

Now here’s the unexpected part: Despite hating my first movie, I’m now in love with Netflix.

Why?

Because previously, had I wanted to see this movie, I would have bought it. Meaning instead of being out $3, I’d be out $20. So apparently that’s the Netflix hook for me. Not seeing more movies. Not avoiding trips to the video store. It’s buying fewer crappy movies.

Thank you, Netflix.

I don’t remember where I heard it. It might have been from Ira Glass himself on This American Life, but I think it was from Sarah Vowell in one of her many wonderful books. She was re-telling an early conversation Ira Glass, her then boss, had with her about what they did on American Life. What made them different. People could have their stories told anywhere — TV, with it’s Datelines, 20/20s, and so on, was full of that.

What was different was being on the radio. On the radio you can’t see people. So when someone was telling their story, people had to pay attention to the words. They had to make conclusions about people based on their words. On their stories. On what they shared with the audience about the lives.

That is, people couldn’t make the snap judgments that we so often do, based strictly on physical appearance. You couldn’t say “Oh look, at how they’re dressed” and fill in the rest with your own assumptions. For the kid from the wrong side of town, with the wrong type of dress, the wrong type of hair cut, this was a chance for people to listen what he said. Really listen, instead of having it shouted out by what he wore.

That lack of image, lack of being able to see them, made you listen a little closer, and perhaps get to know someone, or listen to their side of the story, in a way maybe you wouldn’t have otherwise.

Whenever it was that I heard whatever it was that I actually did hear, I was just starting to get into This American Life, so it stuck with me, and was one of the things I really grew to really like about the show.

So it’s with mixed emotion that I watched the teaser of This American Life on Showtime.

Finger’s crossed it’s even half of what the radio show is — that would still make it one of the best things on TV today.

I played dodgeball against Danielbeast tonight.

They beat us 5-1, but I took him out once or twice.

I wasn’t sure if it was him, especially from the other side of the court (and especially when immersed in the five D’s of dogeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!). After the game, when the high-fives & good games where complete, he happened to look over, so I said “Hey, are you Danielbeast?”

“Yeah!”, he responded, clearly happy with the notion of being recognized.

I replied “I thought so.”, turned around, and headed home. In hindsight, he clearly was willing to talk to a fan. Maybe, dig into the storyline of lonelygirl15 a bit. After all, he’s just been kidnapped, so now more than ever before, is his time in the spotlight. Maybe pose for a fan-photo or two. An autograph. Offer to buy him a beer.

Alas, I was only curious & none of those thinks really occurred to me.

As Jimmy said “I stole his glory.”

I wonder if this is what turns celebrities against the general population. George Clooney had to go through a long phase like that. Sure he’s A-list now, but there was a long period between his start & now. A random couple on the street might have noticed him 20 years ago, “Hey, aren’t you that guy who was in a few episodes of the Facts of Life?”

“Yeah, that was me, George Clooney! Want an autograph? Or better yet, I’ll pose for a picture!”

“Um, ah, that’s okay. We only have 5 shoots left in the roll & we’re saving them for this weekend. I was just I was arguing my wife that you where that guy from the Facts of Life, but she said no, you would have had a mustache then. I told her no, she was confusing you with Schneider, the plumber from One Day at Time, and that you where you.”

George, clearly crestfallen, “Oh, okay. I understand.”

“Thanks George. Good luck with the TV acting.”

After they turned around, I’m sure George cried a silent tear or two.

No wonder now he hates the paparazzi so much. Where were they then?

I flew back to LA this afternoon, several hours ago in fact, and my right ear still hasn’t popped. I have a cold, with congestion focused especially on the right side of my sinuses. For whatever reason, that seems to be keeping that ear from popping. I’ve tried yawning (a lot), chewing gum, holding my nose and blowing… everything, but nothing.

My left one popped right after landing (per usual), but the right one simply refuses. So now everything sounds funny. Really funny. The left ear hears normal, but through my right ear, it’s like I’m still on the plane. It could be the cold, but it seems this audio disconnect is giving my brain a headache to boot.

As if being sick wasn’t unpleasant enough.

Man, this sucks.

Pink shorts? Well, they started white.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-ufc13jan13,1,3219199.story

Randy Couture, a former Ultimate Fighting Championship title holder in two weight classes, has announced he is returning to competition to fight heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia in March.

Couture, 43, twice won the UFC’s heavyweight and light-heavyweight belts. He claims victories over current light-heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell and the division’s former champion, Tito Ortiz.

Couture (14-8) retired in February 2006, following a knockout loss at the hands of Liddell. He was inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame, yet later expressed some criticism of Sylvia’s “conservative” fighting style.

Sylvia (25-2) won a decision in November over Jeff Monson in a fight that was littered with booing by an Arco Arena crowd critical of the inaction.

“It’s hard to be around fighters and around this sport as much as I am and not want to compete,” Couture said in a statement released by UFC. “I just think that while I’m still physically capable of beating these guys and competing, it seems like the right time.”

The Sylvia-Couture fight will serve as the main event March 3 at UFC 68, which will take place at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. Former UFC champions Matt Hughes and Rich Franklin are also scheduled to fight on the card.

Randy retired after losing twice to Chuck Liddell in the light heavyweight division. The step back into the ring at the heavyweight class is a smart one. It never was a question of Randy being strong or skilled enough; Chuck was just too fast. His punches would fly in, delivering (I believe) the only two knockouts of Randy’s long career.

Some could attribute that to age (Randy retired in his early 40s, from a sport dominated by guys in their 20s), but then again, Chuck proves too fast for just about everyone. Sylvia doesn’t have a lot of speed himself, so Randy has a real shot at winning this.

I’ve never seen a UFC fight in person, and was seriously thinking this might be a fun one to fly out to Vegas for. Alas, it’s not in Sin City, but Columbus. People of Ohio, you lucky bastards.

This message was not brought to you by Xyience, but how can you have anything UFC related with a Xyience ad?

Quinn & I started playing with my laptop’s built-in iSight camera:

More…

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

I had a minor epiphany a few nights ago. Shortly after closing time, I was saying goodbye to a few friends I had met up with in Chicago, when I realized why Chicagoans jay-walk freely whereas in most of California, it’s a big no-no. It has nothing to do with differences in law enforcement, frequency of trips using a car vs. on foot, etc. It has nothing to do with any of that.

It has to do with only one factor: Cold.

Because I’ll tell you, when I’m walking back to my car at 2am, the temperature hovering around 30, with the wind howling down my back, I don’t care what color that light is. If I can cross, I’m crossing.

Goodbye Pasadena, Hello West Hollywood.

• To everyone who helped me move, much love.

• To my new neighbor, from whom I’m leeching Internet, much love.

• Hamburger Mary’s Kobe Burger is quite possibly the best on the planet. (And yes, it’s worth $17.)

• New place is great; I’ll post more pics once I’m more settled.

• First walk to work is tomorrow. K & B say it will take 20 minutes. Not bad considering driving to work one day last week took an hour thirty-five.