William Reardon’s Blog

I’m puttering around at LAS, waiting for my flight to board & return me to Los Angeles. I’ll write more about the trip later, but I have to say free WiFi at the airport rocks. Why doesn’t every airport do this?

Goodbye, Las Vegas. I’ll miss you.

However, thanks to the 99 cent, Las Vegas Half-Pound hot dog, I’ll be taking part of you with me. (Blackberry included for reference.)

The Thanksgiving Song! (by Adam Sandler)

Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
‘Cause it’s good
Love to east turkey
Like a good boy should
‘Cause it’s turkey to eat
So good

Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let’s eat the turkey
in my big brown shoe
Love to eat the turkey
At the table
I once saw a movie
With Betty Grable
Eat that turkey
All night long
Fifty million Elvis fans
Can’t be wrong
Turkey turkey doo and
Turkey turkeydap
I eat that turkey Then I take a nap

Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite
That’s right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Can’t believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you and
Turkey for me
Can’t believe Tyson
Gave that girl V.D.

White meat, dark meat
You just can’t lose
I fell off my moped
And I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven
And the buns in the toaster
I’ll never take down
My Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up
In aluminum foil
My brother like to masturbate
With baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr.
Only had one eye

Turkey for the girls and
Turkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pant
Are corduriys
Gobble gobble goo and
Gobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey
Only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving

Owning just a VCR, I first purchased the Princess Bride on VHS.

Later, when I got a DVD player, I decided I didn’t need to re-purchase most of my VHS collection, just to have it on DVD. Except, of course, the Princess Bride. So I bought it on DVD.

Shortly thereafter they released a “Special Edition” version, loaded with extras, so, of course, I bought it.

Now, there’s an even newer edition — the special 20th Anniversary Edition.

I wish I could tell you I was angry.

Angry at having to keep purchasing the same, damn movie over and over and over again.

But I’m not.

I’m so not.

Sadly, my reaction was that of schoolgirl glee, thinking “Oooooooooo! I bet there’s even more extras!”

*sigh*

I swear, it’s like I never read/saw Fight Club.

Thanks to Jonathan for inviting me down to San Diego yesterday. I’d be hard pressed to find a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon than listening sitting outdoors on a beautiful day, listening to Aaron Neville backed up by the San Diego Symphony .

Jonathan’s been cranking away at his newest endeavour, Deallocker. (They even have coupons for ticketmaster!)

Traffic in socal amazes me. The drive down, with traffic here & there, took about 3 hours. Yet the drive back, with zero traffic, took some where between 1.5-2 hours. I think the moral of the story is next time take the train.

Okay, okay. I know people don’t read my blog for the latest Fabio ongoings & whereabouts. You, dear reader, read this blog for one reason & one reason alone: Because I bring the awesome.

To amend for my Fabio ways, I reach deep into the bowels of the Internet to bring you not one, but TWO pieces of awesome.

“It’s Like Meeting the Girl of Your Dream and Finding Out She’s Five”

Before MTV sucked, it didn’t suck. Life was good for MTV in the early 90s and it shared the goodness with its viewers. Sprinkled into the mix of videos, ads, and shows were offbeat promos. Dennis Leary got his start ranting in them, but they peaked with Jimmy the cab driver.

There wasn’t much to know about Jimmy, other than he was a greasy New York cab driver who apparently watched a lot of MTV. And that’s all he would talk about music videos with his passengers, often somewhat confused. When Sabotage was on everyone’s top 10, he would tell people about this great new cop show coming to MTV.

Once he even did a spoof. Ironic, don’t you think?

Greatest Video Game Ever

A video game must be judged in the context of its era. Take Frogger. It’s a great game, but nobody is going crazy over it today.

With that in mind, Ninja Gaiden is the greatest game of all time. Those who played it on their NES instantly know what I’m talking about. Ninja Gaiden was no Super Mario. No, this game was darker. You father was slain in a duel. By whom? Why? To top it all off, you were a fucking ninja. That’s right, you were a ninja out to avenge your father.

If that doesn’t scream awesome to you, you obviously never were a 13 year old boy. To a 13 year old boy, that shit is fucking catnip.

Between the action scenes, it executed the movie scene notion phenomenally well. Beautiful graphics. Compelling 8-bit music. A story someone actually spent a little bit of time on.

In fact, so great was the pull of the story, was that when word spread we had beaten it, kids flocked to our house, just so they could see the ending.

The only hesitation I have in sharing the above cinema screens with you, dear reader, is you didn’t earn it.

You see, Ninja Gaiden was ridiculously hard.

Put yourself in this situation. You’re a pre-teen. You’re hooked. You want, nay need, to find out how things end.

You get to the final boss & he’s a bitch. Finally, using your special items, you beat him. Only, guess what? That wasn’t the final boss, be’atch!

Now you die on the 2nd. Oh, did I mention when you die you go all the way back to the start of the level? That right. The start. And it’s fucking hard too. Well, it starts off hard, but since you’re going to end up doing it 300-400 times, you get pretty good at it. And you better, because you need all your life & all your special items if you’re going to beat the two final bosses.

Finally, and your 101st try, maybe you do it. At last! Only no… it can’t be… only it is. Yes, a a third boss.

You’re so stunned you probably don’t even move the control pad the first time & simply die. But there’s only two special items! What to do? No matter what you do, you have to go mano-y-mano with at least one boss. And that’s impossible.

This game was so hard, my brothers & I re-wired my parents television equipment. We setup the VCR to connect to the out of Nintendo, so we could record fighting the final bosses. After a few attempts, we rewound the tape trying to find places we could save a single health bar or a weakness somewhere we hadn’t previously noticed. And, no, I’m not making any of this up.

The trick I found was wall jumping, a quirk of the game. See, as a ninja you can jump & stick to walls. If you were really, really good you could do a trick where you would jump away from the way, them come back very quickly & end up a little bit higher that where you started.

Now, if you’re thinking the physics of this are impossible, well excuse me, Mr. Smarty Pants, but you must have forgotten: it’s a fucking ninja!

So, if I remember correctly, you call the first guy jumping & slashing. You kill the 2nd guy buy wall-jumping to where he has a hard time getting you. And the 3rd guy you use both your items on. (I don’t remember what items to get other than the good one shoots rings of fire or something.)

Even today, hearing the music after watching Ryu’s father die in the duel, I still get a little misty eyed… *sniff*… *tear*

While working out today, Fabio hoped on the cycle next to me.

No joke.

Over the weekend I bought a rice cooker. Some have asked me what kind, to which I respond, “Red.” I really don’t know much more about it than that.

Tonight was my first attempt at using it. My goal was to create the joy that is teriyaki chicken & white rice.

I give my first efforts a C+.

A few things I learned:

• Two cups of rice is a lot.

• I should have mixed some teriyaki sauce with the rice.

• Rice takes a loooooonnnggg time to cook. I have to factor that in next time.

• I haven’t figured out how to apply the teriyaki sauce yet. I put it on towards the end of grilling, but that just resulting it in burning. A question for Geoff & Brandon tomorrow.

• Teriyaki & rice is best in a bowl, but not in any of the bowls I own. Another trip to the store may be required.
  

With Paris Hilton temporarily under “house” arrest, the newsphere was abuzz of her new accommodations. Moving from a dumpy (albeit solitary) prison cell back to her luxurious 2,707 square foot, 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom, 1.7 million dollar home.

Google Sightseeing into the act, revealing her address is 1467 N. Kings Rd, West Hollywood. I live at 733 N. Kings — we’re practically neighbors! Now I know where to knock when in need of a cup of sugar.

Here’s another odd thing. I have periodic aspirations of purchasing real estate. I wouldn’t say I’m actively in the market, but I’m on a few realtor’s mailing lists, etc. Around here, 1 million gets you a nice condo. That’s about it. Not even a great condo, but a nice one.

Only a month ago, I went to a open house for a dumpy duplex (each a 1 bedroom) and it cost $1.1m.

So here’s the strange thing. 1.1m gets you crap. 1.7m — a difference of only 600k — gets you true millionaire lifestyle housing. That makes no sense to me. Another sign that this market is completely irrational.

Oh well, maybe Hilton will need a pool boy when she gets out.