Commerce Casino. A newly opened table. 7 seats taken, 3 open. Woman shows up and takes the seat to my left. She stands out a bit. Everyone at the table is like me, a sloppy & ugly mofo. She’s both attractive & well dressed. But hey, everyone plays poker.
Someone else shows up, who she knows. He’s across the table. They make some chit-chat. I largely ignore, but hear her say something about moving to Santa Monica. Santa Monica? I’ll talk to a stranger about Santa Monica. I love Santa Monica.
They finish their chit-chat, so I ask her about moving here. She says she’s moving near downtown. I say I live near there & tell her my street. Turns out she’s moving into the building right next to mine, which just finished construction.
A bit later, a 3rd guy shows up. He chats with both of them. The rest of the table, which had be loud-ish, losses some thunder & goes quiet. 3rd guy hangs around for a minute or so, with his arms around the girl, clearly in a boyfriend/girlfriend type way, then leaves.
The table remains quiet. Then 20-30 minutes later the girl & the other guy leave. Table explodes.
“That was him?”
“Where’d they go?”
“Are you sure that was him?”
“Over there. Purple jersey. He’s got a soul patch type thing.”
“Holy cow, it is.”
I’m now massively confused. I ask the guy to my right who they’re talking about.
“Michael Phelps. That was his girlfriend, I guess. He’s over there now.”
Look over, sure enough there’s the girl. Standing next to her, purple jersey, soul patch type thing, is Michael Phelps.
So I don’t know what’s more amusing:
- I played poker with Michael Phelps’s girlfriend
- Michael Phelps is going to be my neighbor
Actually, I do know. Not an hour after that, 3 Eastern European men went batshit insane at the table over a hand, resulting in a lot of screaming, finger pointing & anger. But the best part were the repeated pleas to the “baby Jesus.”
“By Baby Jesus as my witness, I cannot have said to call! I say fold!”
“I say to the Baby Jesus I say that I fold!”
I didn’t know the Baby Jesus was a poker player. But honestly, if he was, I don’t think he’d play $1/$2.